Sunday Bloody Sunday... no pun intended

I am pretty chuffed with myself today, for several reasons...

1. I got out of bed at 7.45am... WHAT! Yes, that's right. 7.45am! I have not got out of bed that early for 6 whole weeks.

2. I managed to get myself and P to St James Park in Central London for todays Mayor of London's Skyride. With proper maps. And an iphone. And a few wrong turns... AND we may have gone down a few one-way streets the wrong way too, but shhhhhhhhhhh... don't tell anyone that!!

3. I managed to cycle from approximately 9.30am till 3.30pm around Central London. With a few rest breaks obviously, one in the pub for lunch, one in the park for coffee, one in the.... you get the idea!

4. I DID NOT FALL OFF! Not once! Although there was a pretty close encounter with a curb and a puddle late on in the day.

5. This was all done on a Sunday. Not any Sunday though. The day before I have to return to 'The Mental Asylum'... Oh no, wait, its all changed. It is no longer 'The Mental Asylum'... It's now 'The Mental Asylum ACADEMY'

It was an enjoyable day, mostly. Got to see some London landmarks...



Man on horse in box with NICE hat!



Thats ME!!! Check out the high vis vest!
Wearing THAT tomorrow at work.

Does what it says on the tin...

Got to see a few celebs... including Kelly Brooke (no photos of her though, sorry).



Sir Chris Hoy. That is NOT me with him.
We are however, one in the same... its hard to tell the difference
 between me and the triple Olympic Gold medalist.
But get out the picture lady! Who ARE you?



However, nothing ever goes perfectly for us. Of course it bloody doesn't.

It started a pour down with rain.

This is to emphasise how wet it was...
I did not do a Paula Radcliffe and let it all go on my marathon cycle ride.

Every item of clothing we were wearing was sopping wet and our hair... OUR HAIR.... started to go curly and frizzy! Oh my days! That was most definitely the last straw for P. Road rage had already got the better of P. Road rage over small cyclists (not the vertically challenged, the CHILDREN... tut, tut).

I could hear her growling as they cut her up. I could hear her growling as they rang their bells and screamed through tunnels. I could hear her growl as the stewards stepped out and put a stop sign up... not to protect us from traffic, but so we understood that when cycling we need to be able to stop at traffic lights and be safe. After, literally, the 30th orange bibbed idiot stepped out infront of us to tell us to stop... both P and I had had enough.

We were going to cycle home. We did not cycle home.

My ass is a little sore now.... soggy and sore. My hands are are a little achey now. My back is a little stiff. But my calves and my shin's are fucked!!! I have absolutely no idea how I managed to sustain these injuries. I suspect it may well be the pedals who are the culprits... bastard things... who needs pedals huh?!

Cycling injuries sustained due to stupid bike parts. Grrr...

Oh and P kindly pointed out that I had a grey hair. Cheers, thanks for that then.

I must add, that apparently, I have one person to thank for getting me cycling (of a kind). He would like to take the credit for getting me to buy a bike, ride it and like it. Maybe he can also take credit for my sore ass, achey hands, stiff back and bruised legs. And I might as well let him take credit for my grey hair too! 

I am eternally grateful... No, really I am. No sarcasm intended, I really am. Thanks ;-) 

My final famous last words are....

I'm going to cycle to work tomorrow morning.



Grrrrrrrr.........

Remember that little red light that came on in my car on the my drive to Heathrow airport? Well, its still there and its now been joined by a little orange light... with a picture of an engine in it! (Or a sideways helicopter.)

This is BAD news... I just know it! Time for one of those money sucking experts to take a look at it.
If it costs more than £50 to fix, my car will remain as lit up as a Christmas tree. I cannot afford it due to my secret shoping spree.

I might have to resort to the Benedict Garrett idea!

Help Required

I'm back at work on Monday, having had 6 weeks off, which means I definitely won't have as much time to blog surf anymore. Which is a shame, because I am new to this game and I get all excited when I find stuff to read.

I have found, with a little help from Blogs of Note...

• Blogs that help me to understand stuff that I basically have no idea about, but are very interesting... Madam Bipolar, GMSoccerPicks
• Blogs that make me smile and think... The Blunt Blog, Diminishing Lucy
• Blogs that are not to be read if you need to pee, you may end up with slightly damp underwear... RCB English class...and research, An Open Letter To, A beer for the shower, Just Sayin... and Pickleope.

If anyone has any recommendations for me, then PLEASE let me know... I would be, without question, extremely grateful.

Girls night out - cont.

Feeling a little more with it now. Was struggling somewhat earlier on. My nap was AMAZING! Little longer than anticipated, but what can you do?!

Right, so we were sitting in this pub having a glass of wine and another spectacular idea came over us.

-I wonder how far it is to Covent Garden from here?
- Dunno. Far enough though.
- I'm gonna have a look on my phone.... Right, it says 1.7 miles.
- Thats pretty far
- No its not, we could walk it.
- Really?! In heels? Are you sure?
- Yeah, it will be fine!
- Hmm... I'm not convinced. It's only 6pm. Got a long time to go wearing these shoes!
- We can stop on the way at few pubs.
- Ok, which direction do we go in?
- Dunno. Down there.
- You sure?
- No. But don't worry. Its all under control.

We stopped at the next pub and got N to pick us up in the cab. Bollocks to walking. And bollocks to walking in the right direction. Its definitely over-rated! Who came up with that little gem?! Huh?!

So, the third musketeer had arrived and injected new enthusiasm into the conversation which was now centred on... well, errmmm... to be honest... MEN and the whole entangled web that us ladies (yes! LADIES!!) weave. It all got far more interesting when N decided to use visual aids... or photo's of her last encounter and his, errr... fully grown penis.... Uh huh! Always nice to appreciate a good photograph!

After several jaw dropping moments, we moved on and met up with the last of the famous five, J and H.

Four out of the five of us are teachers, so we can pretty much predict how the conversations at the bar with any male, will go. They always end with one of two lines....

1. 'So, have you ever fucked any of your students?'

2. 'I bet all your students get boners'.

The quick answers, in case you were wondering, are...

1. No.

2. Get a fucking life.

Oooohhh, the light of the world... look!

One rather strange conversation interaction happened within five minutes of arriving at the bar...

Random: (Walks up to bar and looks at my drink) Ooooo.. its like a shining light.

Me: What is? My drink?

Random: Yeaaahhh... the light of the world shines out of your drink.

Me: What?

H: What?

Random: Can I try it?

Me: No!

Random: Fuck you bitch... it's not like I'm gonna put drugs in it and rape you!

And its not like there is a light shining out of my drink... dickhead! Maybe this fucking light would be more up your street?!

Follow the shiny red lights Mr Window Licker!

The research I was intending to carry out, to answer the Adam Levine V's Lucien Laviscount debate, started about now. I can now confirm that the scientific research it is complete twaddle! (Yes, twaddle is most definitely a real word!). But to be fair, what we had to work with was limited.

At 3am, my damage limitation mode had saved me from vomiting in the toilets and falling down stairs, but I was TIRED, drunk and started thinking about my bed more than vodka.
Time to go! Yeah?... not so bloody easy!

J was eating some guys face off, N was all over some sqaddie, P was dancing her little heart out and H was being harrassed by some crazed Italian guy. We left N in the club with squaddie. She did not want to come home with us.

Eventually we get a cab, with an addition to the numbers... Milo... Who the fuck is Milo? Some random guy with ADHD. This was the LONGEST cab journey I have ever had!

J and Milo were chewing on each other. P and this mad Caribbean cabbie were having a debate about drink driving and drugs which quickly turned into why the London riots happened. Full on Reggae music blasting out. ADHD boy joining the conversation with a Caribbean accent... J telling him to stop talking. H sat there arguing with the cabbie. I had my eyes closed, concerntrating on not vomiting down the back of car seat, and trying to block out the chaos around me.

I do not wish to see 4am for a LONG time!
I do not wish to have a girls nights out for a LONG time.
I do not wish to drink for a day or two LONG time
I do not wish to have a cab journey with a mad Caribbean man for a LONG time.

Girls night out - tbc...

My hangover is managable. I went into damage limitation mode at about 1.30am, which meant for the next two and a half hours I was on water and diet coke. I think this was partly due to being old and partly due to pure fear of not being able to move from my bed for hours the next day.

The evening started well (?) when we walked out from the underground station and realised that the first drinking extablishment we were aiming for was no longer there!

John F Hunt had decided to demolish it! Or maybe he was just the bloke who put some plastic around the scaffolding. Anyway, as you can imagine, this threw us into all sorts of disarray. Then the female decision making process was initiated...

- So what now?
- Dunno
- Where shall we go?
- Well, whats near here?
- Not sure
- Shall we stay here or get back on the tube?
- We could walk
- Where to?
- Dunno
- Shall we go in the pub round the corner?
- What pub? Oh yeah, ermmm...
- Do you think its ok?
- Of course it is. What do you expect? Cowboys & Aliens?
- No! But, have you been in there before?
- No, have you?
- No.
- Lets just go for one and then move on.
- Ok
- Or shall we go straight to CG?
- Dunno, what do you wanna do?
- I don't mind. What do you wanna do?
- I don't mind. I do need a wee though.
- Me too. Right ok, lets go in there then, come on.

Based on the need to empty out bladders, we sat ourselves down in the bar and ordered  the wine.

To be honest... I can't be arsed to type anymore... I am tired and hungry. I need to have a nap and source some relatively plain food. This going out malarky is hard work these days! I will continue later....

Adam Levine V's Lucien Laviscount... who wins?

I'm going to conduct a little experiment tonight based on this article and the deepest desires documentary I watched a while ago.

In theory, I am currently not be at my most fertile and therefore should not be attracted to masculine looking men (square face, thicker eyebrows, thinner lips etc). We shall see. I am not convinced by this research. I am attracted to masculine looking men regardless of where I am in my monthly cycle. My carnal desire for Adam Levine does not just appear mid-cycle then disappear...oh no! I would like to do some questionnable things to him every single day of my cycle!
Baby faced, pretty boys do nothing for me. Although, I have developed a soft sport recently for Lucien Laviscount.

P is attracted to pretty boys. 'Spice boys' we like to call them. She should be attracted to these baby-faced 'spice boys' tonight as well.

I have no idea about the menstrual cycles of N, J and H, but I will find out later.

Now, if I am able to remember the vodka fuelled night by tomorrow morning, I will be feeding back my results to back up this crazy research, or to laugh in it's face! Haha!

With a hangover... shit! And possibly a few out of focus photos, depending on the extent of my drunkeness.

I also hope that in my drunken wisdom (because I do tend to get unbelievably wise when I've had a few too many vimto's), I don't fire up the old laptop and start to vomit words onto here!

Hmmm... worse things have happened, but I won't reveal them as I want to keep my classy chick image. Hahahaha!

Teacher reprimanded over stripping

Well, if I'm just going to get a reprimand for this type of behaviour, I'm off out to earn some extra cash!