Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Email fun

I read a book a while ago called 'e' by Matt Beaumont. It was basically made up of emails that were sent in an adverstising agency. It was very funny. I think probably the funniest book I have read.
Anyway, I came across the book again today and it made me think about emails that go back and forth between my colleagues and I. So, I thought I would share some with you.

There happened to be an 'incident' at work the other day. (Surprise, surprise.) The student in question had to write a statement about the incident.

Hahahaha... Like Elvis??!! A 12 year old child actually used this analogy! That's fucking brilliant. What's even more amusing is this was added after he had written the statement, just in case we were wondering what 'gel in his hair' looked like. And now, suddenly, it all becomes so much clearer.

And because I am a professional, just like all my colleagues, and take incidents like this very seriously, this email was sent.

So, if you can't see this it says...

I will be speaking to O, although I just cant help believing he wouldn’t be involved in such nonsense. I will tell him that we have suspicious minds about his activities that day, and that although he may live in the ghetto, we expect better. I know S is all shook up over this incident and that if O is involved then he needs to tell us – its now or never, basically. I will also tell him that I do not want him fraternising with students in lower years, and he needs to indulge in a little less conversation with yr ? boys.

I should also tell you about this one particular teacher I have the fortune of not really working with at all. She is in a completely different faculty and year group. I rarely come across her which is a good job. Mainly for her rather than me. It is very difficult for me not to want to punch her in the face every time I see her, or hear her. I know you're probably thinking, that's not very nice, but trust me, there are MANY others that share my thoughts.

It is often difficult to keep a straight face when she gives an announcment to staff or students. This isn't helped by my colleagues also ripping the piss out of her.

Does this amount to work place bullying? Ermmm... maybe... but when you look like this... what do you expect?

This honestly couldn't be a better look-a-like.

She likes to think she can sing..... SHE CANNOT! I have heard her. It's shocking. But yet, she is in charge of the 'singing group' to which students, who also cannot sing, belong. (She does not teach music.) They even do concerts and shit like that. I sometimes attend to show support to the school, students etc... and to have a good old laugh.

She emailed out a notice about some kind of rehearsals for this singing group.

The responses were fucking hilarious. They were mainly just images. Most people understood. She was obviously not copied into any of the emails.  

Here are some of the images that were flying around via email...

Now, please don't judge us for being so mean, but these kind of emails really do brighten up everyones day. Everyone likes to laugh. Right? We really are very nice. Well, I am anyway.

We do a bit of teaching every now and then too. Look...


  1. The people who responded to the singing group thing seemed pretty cool. And well bullying is bad, but when people behave silly you can't just help to make fun of them sometimes.

  2. Little David Wilkins lived in my neighborhood when I was a kid. His son was a big fat 4 year old bully and I was 3. He came up to me in my own yard and belly butted me. I fell 10 or 12 ft.through the air and cried.I promise that happened. I don't lie.

  3. The Elvis reference filled email was great, but the last chain mail takes the honours. I feel sliiiiightly bad for that lady, but she must be a huge bitch(and needless to say, hideous).

  4. Hahahaha

    She clearly deserves it. But I really hope for all your sakes she NEVER gets to see that mail.

    Reminds me of this, I love this site.

  5. This sounds like a great read. I never knew emails could be that interesting. Nice post as usual buddy.

  6. You act like we should be supprised your mean (and that teachers can be mean) I'm sure most people who follow your blog went to school and everyone who went to school knows teachers are mean.
    If you can't do, teach!

  7. @Mo... It sounds much worse than it is.
    @Barfly... that is some awesome story! I need to know more!
    @Dan... I'm not really a meanie. I am quite nice most of the time.
    @HP... You just can't get on with everyone. DOn't feel even a little bit bad for her. Honestly, if you saw her, you would laugh.
    @DCG... I love that you just go with 'she clearly deserves it!' Brilliant. And that website is so so so very funny. Thanks for sharing that.
    @Waffles... Emails at work are not always this entertaining, unfortunately. And thank you for being so kind about my posts, when I am clearly not being very kind at all.
    @Bersercules... Are you trying to pick a fight with me? Huh? Are you? You know you won't win if you do. Remember, teachers are ALWAYS right! Hahaha!

  8. Im never in on these kinds of jokes... wait does that mean Im the target

  9. hahaha! all this shite happens big time in software companies. you send one email, they interpret it way differently and then anger floats around as emails....

    emails can be mis-understood sometimes, but when its sent by someone u do not like, then oh well!

    The Booby Toons

  10. You are the best teacher ever. That e-mail was brilliant, even if it was a tad mean. So what I'm saying is 'Don't be Cruel.'

    Also, thanks for reminding of the days that I was in singing class (whatever you would call it, music appreciation) and I was the only one that could sing. That included the teacher. Isn't that like a 300 lb guy in a wheelchair teaching gym?

  11. Funky as I wanna be. lolwut?

  12. Thank you very much, A Beer for the Shower! I thought I was the best teacher ever. Well, I guess not, Miss Teacher. Great story, though. I say cruel is the only way. Besides, it's only cruel if you're a wimp, right?

  13. @ammedor... ermmm.. yeah, maybe.
    @BB... my emails are always mis-understood for being rude. Don't know why that happens!
    @ABFTS... AWWWWWW... I'm the best teacher ever?? That's so cool. Can I please have a cup, or a badge that says tha?
    @Bolg... That's my personal favourite.
    @RCB... Don't be jealous of my 'best teacher ever' status.

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