Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Nightmare Day

Today has been an odd day. I have laughed, cried and wanted to punch the people that run the school right in the face.

I am a bit of a control freak in my lab. Don't get out of your seat unless you...
Now you can clean that
 shit up!

Just get the fuck up and stop
messing about
 1. Put your hand up and ask. (Even then it is unlikely.)

2. Have been asked to move because you're doing my fucking head in.

3. Are having some kind of seizure and can't keep yourself upright (and so falling off your stool onto the floor).

4. You have begun to urinate or vomit on the desk or floor (and not a moment before).
So when 'idiot male A' gets out of his seat because 'idiot male B' made a comment he didn't appreciate, I wasn't best pleased.

I was even less pleased when A started to punch B in the arm... as a joke... ha bloody ha!
Not so fucking funny when B started to hit back and I had to get in the middle of them.

All under control, I thought.

A goes and sits back down.
B starts on a rampage around my lab. Picks up a metal stand and base, wielding it above his head and goes for A.

"Check me out, I'm decapitated
and spurting blood, yet still
able to stand up and hold
my head in my hand"
Not really considering all possible outcomes here, I decide to step in to prevent serious injury occurring in my lab. Mainly because I am not very good with blood.
Any sign of blood and I'm outta there. Seriously, veins and arteries and shit like that freak me out. I'm the one that has to be monitored while having blood tests because there is a distinct possibility that I will end up on the floor with a needle still in my arm and blood spurting everywhere... ERGGGHHHH...
I'm starting to feel slightly nauseous and faint just typing this.

B is removed by another member of staff after my 'spurting blood panic' intervention.

Incident over.... Oh no... why would you think that? These are mentally unstable teenage boys!

I keep A back at the end of class to make sure he is alright, before going to the relevant members of staff to sort this mess out.

Couldn't find a picture of a teenage
boy wielding a metal pole... this is as
close to that as I could get.
Little did I know that B is waiting in the corridor with another fucking metal pole...
I think it might have been a chair leg this time. I am confused as to how he managed this. What did he do? Go into a class and ask if they minded him borrowing the metal leg from the chair they were sitting on...??!
It kinda got a bit more serious this time (not that the first time B armed himself with a weapon wasn't serious). I haven't seen a student that angry, ever. I had to physically restrain B. To the point that any onlooker may well have thought I was sexually harrassing the poor boy.
This went on for a good 5 minutes, which doesn't sound like very long, but when you have your arms wrapped round a 15 year old ANGRY teenager, it seems like forever.

Yes, yes, yes... let all the jokes flow... I can already hear your minds whirring with innuendo after innuendo... WHATEVER. (To be fair, I would do the same.)

I used every single ounce of strength in me to stop him from getting to A.

I am not very big person, height wise or weight wise so I was having to chant things like "by jungle law, the ghost who walks calls forth the power of ten tigers" and "by the power of Grayskull, I HAVE THE POWER" to help a little with the task in hand. (I always knew that by watching Defenders of the Earth and He-Man would come in handy one day.)

Didn't really think through the likelihood of me being knocked out cold with that metal chair leg. The thought did flicker through my mind momentarily, but not long enough for me to stop with the restraining.

Eventually a sixth former took the chair leg out of B's hand and I did ease up on the restraining.

Then the help arrived in the shape of a couple of male members of senior staff. Lovely chaps, thanks for that, a touch too late though.

Mmmm... VODKA
It was only after I had... well, lets call it 'a moment' shall we, to take stock and reflect, that I started to become a little pissed off. Because, you know what, it really isn't my job to do shit like that. My job is to teach science and direct the learning of my year group.

And, remember that half drunk bottle of vodka? Yes? Now there is a little less in it than yesterday.

So, after a very shakey start to the day, I am ending it with a  few many glasses of Rose wine. I don't give a fuck if it's only Thursday tomorrow.


  1. Wow! This makes my day look like a "Spot'o'Tea".

  2. There are 2 possibilities.

    1- That was a well laid plan to get a feel of his sexy teacher.

    2- There is something very fucking wrong with those kids. I'm not going to say that i've never been in a fight, but fighting in a lab is a pretty retarded thing to do. And it looks like it all started with a joke.

    I think you should suggest the school that every teacher should be armed with a taser and pepper spray to easily handle with those situations. It would be funny, admit it.

  3. I sypmathise.
    I spent 6 years working in children's homes, and with some very difficult kids...I've been where you were (restraining an angry kid) many times.
    The difference being that in my jobs we kind of expected that, and were trained to restrain and insured against injury from it.
    It's a sad state of affairs and says a lot of the wrong things about todays kids (most of whom are still pretty sound) when teachers are having to do this too.

    Tequila was my friend.

  4. And I thought I had a bad day! I love how you call upon the powers of Grayskull! Next time you should try the Thundercats chant!

    Thunder, thunder, thundercats! HO!

  5. Wow. Teachers have such a shitty job. I think unfortunatly you just have to take the relaxed attitude and don't give a damn about what the kids do. However then the class goes crazy...

  6. I have put myself between students fighting before and it's not a good idea but it's better than standing by and doing nothing.

    I'm glad you're okay. Teenage boys should be neutered until they are in their 20s.

  7. That He-Man looks gay. :P

  8. He-Man granted me strength many times, but seriously that just sounds like you should have a few bodyguards in your class. Next time they start throwing them chair legs at you?

  9. I can fully understand you being a control freak, kids need to be told constantly to stay in control. He-Man rules too.

  10. I hope you have a better day today. If I were there I'd knock some heads together.

  11. Holy crap! I do not envy you being in that position. Being a teacher is hard enough without having to deal with raging teenage hormones.

  12. Maybe I'm just old, but whatever happened to waiting until after school, meeting at the park, and having some wimpy little scuffle that ended in 2 minutes, everyone went home, and it was all over with? Now we're swinging metal chair legs?

  13. Argh! Teenagers can be pain the neck, eh?

    When I was in school, the boys were not this bad though....


  14. Wow your job is quite harsh! Haven't heard the He-man opening in years! Thanks!

  15. @Barfly... My day was much better today. And I definitely could have done with some help from you yesterday.

    @HP... Taser's and pepper spray?! What a fantastic idea. It would be highly amusing.

    @DCG... If vodka fails I will make friends with Teqilla.

    @Danjor21... I LOVE THUNDERCATS!

    @Mo... Teaching is what I chose as a career. Sometimes you just gotta live with the choices you make.

    @JayJay... I agree, it is better than standing by doing nothing. I just couldn't do that.

    @Bolg... Are you dis-respecting He-Man or stating a fact?! He is a legend regardless.

    @PTR... Bodyguards? If only! I could choose them myself, couldn't I? Hmmm...

    @Waffles... I'm not a control freak all the time, just in my lab with the kids I teach.

    @Haven... Hormones have a lot to answer for!! I would like to have a little chat with them.

    @ABFTS... Are you old? I had a fight once in a park after school with another girl. I won, we went home, end of argument. No chairs legs involved. Crazy kids these days.

    @Bluntblogger... You changed your name!! Teenagers are difficult. I am pretty sure I was not the most perfect teenager though.

    @Bersercules... He-Man does rule.

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  17. Having your arms wrapped round a 15 year old ANGRY teenager is only a problem when the bastard doesn't take his daily shower. But I think you did a very good job, Miss Teacher. In fact, your story reminded me of something that I'll need to write about really soon. It involved idiot A and idiot B and standing up without my permission and me throwing a table to restore the peace... True story. I'd almost forgotten about it. But what you should do next time something similar occurs is unbutton your blouse to reveal that superwoman outfit you're wearing underneath! It works for me, though mine is obviously a superMAN outfit. Let there be no mistake.

  18. P.S. I just like seeing my picture 3 times :)

  19. Make that four. Here's the story.