Monday, 26 September 2011

Not your typical Science Teacher... or am I?

This post is for The Hasidic Plumber, as requested...

I am NOT your typical science teacher. I am an exception to the rule...for the following reasons...
  • I do not wear a lab coat. (Although I do have one, and occassionally wear it when I don't want crap all over my clothes.)
  • I do not wear glasses. (Although I do have contact lenses and I do wear my glasses at home sometimes.)
  • I do not look like a geek. (Define geek... and I am very ditsy.)
  • I do not have strange crazy hair. (I have dark brown hair, but am now a fake blonde... with straight hair. Not for long though... going back to dark brown.) 
  • I do not act like a 'Mad Scientist'. (I am mad, and I am a scientist, but I am not a mad scientist.)
  • I do not carry test tubes and chemicals around with me. (I did once take home a newton meter and some 10g weights by mistake. Oh, and iodine.)
  • I do not like dissecting frogs. (I do not like dissecting anything, but I do it for the children, to make their future brighter. It was sheep eyeballs last week.)
  • I am not eccentric. (I really am not eccentric in any way, shape or form.)

I often look through microscopes in this position....
'Now, students, you have to get into this position to be able to see properly'

I am here to help you work through those stereotypical views you have of teacher's. And to help you understand that these stereotypes are there for a reason. My research was carried out in the pub on Friday after work. My colleagues, of varying disciplines across the school, came up with their own stereotypes... please remember that when reading. And I won't go through EVERY subject, I will bore you if I did.

The Female PE teacher
  • Lesbian. If not actually a lesbian, then looking like one... whatever that means. Short hair, small boobs, no make up, short nails, HAIRY LEGS! Erggghhh.
  • Big ass. Considering PE teachers should be pretty physically fit, they all seem to have large asses. I don't know how that happens. Maybe if they did their fucking job properly, they would have such a large behind.
  • Stroppy. They never have a smile on their face. I don't know why. It's not like they have to mark any work or plan any lessons!

PE teacher from the TV series
Waterloo Road.
The Male PE teacher
2008 Big Brother contestant
trainee PE teacher.

  • Very good looking. I don't think I have ever come across an ugly male PE teacher. 
  • Fit. Always so very physically fit. They play football, rugby, tennis, hockey. Cycle to work. It's never ending. It's beautiful!
  • Popular. They are loved by all students in school, boys and girls. Not to mention the staff. Mothered by the older female members of staff, oggled by the younger female staff. When they wander in to the staffroom wearing their little shorts, it just makes your day.

The History & Geography Teachers
  • Patches on their elbows. I think this is compulsory. They must do a lot of resting of the head in hands with elbows on desk.
  •  Well equipped. They always carry coloured pencils around with them. I have no idea why. Perhaps to colour in maps and stuff.
  • Very messy. They have the messiest classrooms and offices. They have everything in them you could ever want. 'Have you got a pink inflatable crocodile?' 'I think I do, let me check!' 'WHAT??!!'
  • Bad handwriting. You just cannot make out what they have written on the board, or in the kids books. Maybe that's why the kids have no idea that Africa is NOT Canada. And that Hitler was a bad bad man.

The Drama, Music & Art Teachers

  • Weird. They are very odd. Keep themselves to themselves over in the 'expressive arts' department. Which is a bloody good job really. Don't bring your 'oddness' over into the rest of the school please.
  • Dramatic. Which I suppose is expected, particularly of the drama teachers, but they really do talk out of the arses sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time. Blow things out of all proportion. I caught a fish THIS big. WHATEVER!
  • Strangely dressed. Where did they get their clothes? And footwear is even stranger. And please please don't accessorise with that crap. It looks like a 5 year old dressed you.

The Math Teacher
  • Short. Both male and female math teachers are all very short. Maybe 'short person syndrome' manifests itself in people destined to become math teachers. This might explain why they are all so 'shouty'.
  • OCD. They are very particular over small details. If you haven't lined up a sum properly in your exercise book you've had it.
  • Highly strung. Don't push them, or you'll lose them! They'll end up in a corner crying.
  • Struggle with classroom management. But, I have to say, teaching math to teenagers is bloody difficult stuff.  

The English Teacher
  • Popular. Just like male PE teachers, English teachers are well liked among students and staff.
  • Calm. Oh so very very calm. That is possibly why they have very well behaved classes. They send their students into a trance.
  • Awesome vocabulary. Well, they wouldn't be very good at their job if they didn't. They use long words that only English teachers understand. It's like they talk in code sometimes.      
  • Questionable dress sense. Not as questionable as the 'expressive arts' department, but English teachers make some bizzare choices sometimes. I think they do it on purpose, to confuse you. Keep you guessing. Try to solve the riddle.

What were your teacher's like at school? Did any of them fit these descriptions?


  1. Oh wow, thanks for doing this and thanks for the shout out. I must say that 2 particular descriptions made me laugh, a lot.

    First one was the History/Geo messy teachers with elbow pads. I can't think of one that didn't have em. It's like their uniform.

    Second one was about Math teachers. They are incredibly anal most of the time and have absolutely 0 authority over the class. It reminded me many of my college professors too.

    Also, my science teacher didn't look like your description either. She was a mess, really really messed up middle aged lady. She was very sweet but flipped out pretty easily. She was pretty nice with us until one of my partners accidentaly burnt her face and chest with boiling wax in the lab. No, really. It was an accident.

  2. I find these descriptions to be amazingly accurate! However, through the course of my schooling, I have had some rather dorky and unattractive P.E. teachers!

    I can't think of any science or history teachers without the elbow pads!

    Great post!

  3. You really look at the microscope like that?

    Also, My PE teachers are gay and they try to sexually harass good-looking guys in the class.

  4. Trying again to comment :)
    MissT, I emailed you, coz I came here sometime back, tried to comment, but couldn't. So I copied the comment and emailed.

    You know sometimes, I too think, what if you are one of those HAWT teachers, teen-boys fancy about ;)


  5. Nice blog, love that schoolgirl

  6. haha we didn't have on single good looking PE male teacher but the stereotypes for the female PE teachers fits snugly like kitten mittens!

  7. I think I agree with you on most...though, being an English teacher, I'm pretty sure I'm not that popular with the students in my class...mainly because they need to be writing their essays and they're not. :)

  8. I always wished I had just ONE hot teacher to ogle during school, and never did I have one. They were either men, or old women, or our science teacher was a very, VERY butch lesbian that wore the same kind of outfits a lumberjack might wear. So unfair.

  9. What a great post, Miss Teacher. Your science teacher looking down the microscope....what a lucky class.

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  11. My English teacher was a 30-year-'old' woman with long blond hair and a hairy something right next to her nose. She was strict and had a strange habit: she always sat ON her desk wearing a skirt, allowing everyone who was brave enough to take a peak. I'm not kidding. In case you were wondering, I wasn't brave enough...

    P.S. I had a feeling you weren't a geek :)

  12. I will send you the interview questions later today. I will try to publish it the day after you send the mail back. So get ready to answer some very very random stuff.

  13. may have to go back to school if women like that chick on the microscope are around

  14. gr8 blog Bdw check out my
    fashion blog n lets
    follow each other like
    twitter haha Chuchu-

  15. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  16. @Plumber... Glad you liked the post. I got the interview questions. I will try to get them answered over the weekend. I don't think random quite covers it!!

    @Danjor... Thanks for visiting. I don't have elbow patches though... and I'm a science teacher.

    @Phrozen... yes, I most certainly do look down microscopes like that!

    @Bersercules... I have a lot to learn from you then.

    @Chintan... I got your email, Thanks. I am so HAWT that I could catch on fire at any point! Haha!

    @Gizmo... hey, thanks for visiting & following. That's not a schoolgirl though.... thats the teacher!

    @PTR... kitten mittens. Brilliant.

    @JayJay... I bet you are popular among your students. English teachers always are.

    @Barfly... thanks for visiting. My classes are ALWAYS lucky to have me teach them.

    @RCB... You're right. I'm no geek. I have geekish tendencies however. And you were clearly a very good boy at school, not taking a little peek and all.

    @Major.mack... Thanks for visiting. There are plenty of us 'chicks' that look that good, teaching in schools you know!

    @Chulala... thanks for visiting. I will most certainly come and check out your blog.

  17. Great stuff. I considered becoming an English teacher. I still may someday. I substitute taught for a while. I just need to get my shit together and get a degree...sigh

  18. Like Bersercules, I'm my own teacher. :D

  19. This is so true about the teachers! Love it! Great blog - awesome design! Followed! Good update!

  20. Damn,
    I'd love to be one of your science students when you are looking through the microscope, Miss Teacher, I'd have to wait for a few minutes after class to stand up. "wink"

  21. @Pope... Do it! Although I moan about teaching, it is the best job in the world... nearly.

    @My 2 Pesos... Looks like I will be learning from both you and Bersercules.

    @Jason... Glad you enjoyed it.

    @Come at me Bro... Thanks for dropping by.

    @Barfly... Tut tut tut! :-)

  22. i'd get behind that position. and i never liked english teachers, even though they did an alrite job with me. and im not gonna use all dem english skills they taught me on the internet :D

    p.s plumber forgot to ask for nudes...

  23. Every single one of those is spot on for the teachers I had. And it's been a very long time since I left school, guess some things never change.

    Although for the first two years (before it went comprehensive) I was at an all girls grammar school and we all fancied the science teacher.
    Mr Wendes - I even remember his name.

    Do they cover expected appearance at teacher training college ?

  24. @Bart... Seriously, wrong website if you want nudes. I can give you some suggestions though.
    Thanks for visiting :-)

    @Mr P... Much love!

    @Dirtycowgirl... You're right, some things will never change. I was at an all girls school too and I fancied my history teacher. They don't cover 'expected appearance' but they do cover some real absolute shit at teacher training college.
    Thanks for the visit & following :-)