Not your typical Science Teacher... or am I?

This post is for The Hasidic Plumber, as requested...

I am NOT your typical science teacher. I am an exception to the rule...for the following reasons...

• I do not wear a lab coat. (Although I do have one, and occassionally wear it when I don't want crap all over my clothes.)
• I do not wear glasses. (Although I do have contact lenses and I do wear my glasses at home sometimes.)
• I do not look like a geek. (Define geek... and I am very ditsy.)
• I do not have strange crazy hair. (I have dark brown hair, but am now a fake blonde... with straight hair. Not for long though... going back to dark brown.) 
• I do not act like a 'Mad Scientist'. (I am mad, and I am a scientist, but I am not a mad scientist.)
• I do not carry test tubes and chemicals around with me. (I did once take home a newton meter and some 10g weights by mistake. Oh, and iodine.)
• I do not like dissecting frogs. (I do not like dissecting anything, but I do it for the children, to make their future brighter. It was sheep eyeballs last week.)
• I am not eccentric. (I really am not eccentric in any way, shape or form.)

I often look through microscopes in this position....
'Now, students, you have to get into this position to be able to see properly'

I am here to help you work through those stereotypical views you have of teacher's. And to help you understand that these stereotypes are there for a reason. My research was carried out in the pub on Friday after work. My colleagues, of varying disciplines across the school, came up with their own stereotypes... please remember that when reading. And I won't go through EVERY subject, I will bore you if I did.

The Female PE teacher

• Lesbian. If not actually a lesbian, then looking like one... whatever that means. Short hair, small boobs, no make up, short nails, HAIRY LEGS! Erggghhh.
• Big ass. Considering PE teachers should be pretty physically fit, they all seem to have large asses. I don't know how that happens. Maybe if they did their fucking job properly, they would have such a large behind.
• Stroppy. They never have a smile on their face. I don't know why. It's not like they have to mark any work or plan any lessons!




PE teacher from the TV series
Waterloo Road.

The Male PE teacher

2008 Big Brother contestant
trainee PE teacher.

• Very good looking. I don't think I have ever come across an ugly male PE teacher. 

• Fit. Always so very physically fit. They play football, rugby, tennis, hockey. Cycle to work. It's never ending. It's beautiful!
• Popular. They are loved by all students in school, boys and girls. Not to mention the staff. Mothered by the older female members of staff, oggled by the younger female staff. When they wander in to the staffroom wearing their little shorts, it just makes your day.



The History & Geography Teachers

• Patches on their elbows. I think this is compulsory. They must do a lot of resting of the head in hands with elbows on desk.
•  Well equipped. They always carry coloured pencils around with them. I have no idea why. Perhaps to colour in maps and stuff.
• Very messy. They have the messiest classrooms and offices. They have everything in them you could ever want. 'Have you got a pink inflatable crocodile?' 'I think I do, let me check!' 'WHAT??!!'
• Bad handwriting. You just cannot make out what they have written on the board, or in the kids books. Maybe that's why the kids have no idea that Africa is NOT Canada. And that Hitler was a bad bad man.

The Drama, Music & Art Teachers

• Weird. They are very odd. Keep themselves to themselves over in the 'expressive arts' department. Which is a bloody good job really. Don't bring your 'oddness' over into the rest of the school please.
• Dramatic. Which I suppose is expected, particularly of the drama teachers, but they really do talk out of the arses sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time. Blow things out of all proportion. I caught a fish THIS big. WHATEVER!
• Strangely dressed. Where did they get their clothes? And footwear is even stranger. And please please don't accessorise with that crap. It looks like a 5 year old dressed you.

The Math Teacher

• Short. Both male and female math teachers are all very short. Maybe 'short person syndrome' manifests itself in people destined to become math teachers. This might explain why they are all so 'shouty'.
• OCD. They are very particular over small details. If you haven't lined up a sum properly in your exercise book you've had it.
• Highly strung. Don't push them, or you'll lose them! They'll end up in a corner crying.
• Struggle with classroom management. But, I have to say, teaching math to teenagers is bloody difficult stuff.  

The English Teacher

• Popular. Just like male PE teachers, English teachers are well liked among students and staff.
• Calm. Oh so very very calm. That is possibly why they have very well behaved classes. They send their students into a trance.
• Awesome vocabulary. Well, they wouldn't be very good at their job if they didn't. They use long words that only English teachers understand. It's like they talk in code sometimes.      
• Questionable dress sense. Not as questionable as the 'expressive arts' department, but English teachers make some bizzare choices sometimes. I think they do it on purpose, to confuse you. Keep you guessing. Try to solve the riddle.

What were your teacher's like at school? Did any of them fit these descriptions?