Friday, 2 September 2011

Girls night out - cont.

Feeling a little more with it now. Was struggling somewhat earlier on. My nap was AMAZING! Little longer than anticipated, but what can you do?!

Right, so we were sitting in this pub having a glass of wine and another spectacular idea came over us.

-I wonder how far it is to Covent Garden from here?
- Dunno. Far enough though.
- I'm gonna have a look on my phone.... Right, it says 1.7 miles.
- Thats pretty far
- No its not, we could walk it.
- Really?! In heels? Are you sure?
- Yeah, it will be fine!
- Hmm... I'm not convinced. It's only 6pm. Got a long time to go wearing these shoes!
- We can stop on the way at few pubs.
- Ok, which direction do we go in?
- Dunno. Down there.
- You sure?
- No. But don't worry. Its all under control.

We stopped at the next pub and got N to pick us up in the cab. Bollocks to walking. And bollocks to walking in the right direction. Its definitely over-rated! Who came up with that little gem?! Huh?!

So, the third musketeer had arrived and injected new enthusiasm into the conversation which was now centred on... well, errmmm... to be honest... MEN and the whole entangled web that us ladies (yes! LADIES!!) weave. It all got far more interesting when N decided to use visual aids... or photo's of her last encounter and his, errr... fully grown penis.... Uh huh! Always nice to appreciate a good photograph!
After several jaw dropping moments, we moved on and met up with the last of the famous five, J and H.

Four out of the five of us are teachers, so we can pretty much predict how the conversations at the bar with any male, will go. They always end with one of two lines....
1. 'So, have you ever fucked any of your students?'
2. 'I bet all your students get boners'.

The quick answers, in case you were wondering, are...
1. No.
2. Get a fucking life.

Oooohhh, the light of the world... look!
One rather strange conversation interaction happened within five minutes of arriving at the bar...

Random: (Walks up to bar and looks at my drink) Ooooo.. its like a shining light.
Me: What is? My drink?
Random: Yeaaahhh... the light of the world shines out of your drink.
Me: What?
H: What?
Random: Can I try it?
Me: No!
Random: Fuck you bitch... it's not like I'm gonna put drugs in it and rape you!

And its not like there is a light shining out of my drink... dickhead! Maybe this fucking light would be more up your street?!

Follow the shiny red lights Mr Window Licker!

The research I was intending to carry out, to answer the Adam Levine V's Lucien Laviscount debate, started about now. I can now confirm that the scientific research it is complete twaddle! (Yes, twaddle is most definitely a real word!). But to be fair, what we had to work with was limited.

At 3am, my damage limitation mode had saved me from vomiting in the toilets and falling down stairs, but I was TIRED, drunk and started thinking about my bed more than vodka.
Time to go! Yeah?... not so bloody easy!

J was eating some guys face off, N was all over some sqaddie, P was dancing her little heart out and H was being harrassed by some crazed Italian guy. We left N in the club with squaddie. She did not want to come home with us.

Eventually we get a cab, with an addition to the numbers... Milo... Who the fuck is Milo? Some random guy with ADHD. This was the LONGEST cab journey I have ever had!

J and Milo were chewing on each other. P and this mad Caribbean cabbie were having a debate about drink driving and drugs which quickly turned into why the London riots happened. Full on Reggae music blasting out. ADHD boy joining the conversation with a Caribbean accent... J telling him to stop talking. H sat there arguing with the cabbie. I had my eyes closed, concerntrating on not vomiting down the back of car seat, and trying to block out the chaos around me.

I do not wish to see 4am for a LONG time!
I do not wish to have a girls nights out for a LONG time.
I do not wish to drink for a day or two LONG time
I do not wish to have a cab journey with a mad Caribbean man for a LONG time.


  1. twaddle :D when i moved to london, i loved the word *bollocks* :D sounds weird, but it sounds much better than american version *balls* :)
    So twaddle is fun too...

  2. Oh you have reminded me how much I miss London. The pure randomness of a night out never ceased to amaze me.

  3. @JayJay... I love random nights like this, but I just can't do them too often! I think I'm getting old! Ha! Thanks for visiting :-)

    @Chintan... My language is questionable at the best of times, but twaddle is a great word! I think I might use it more often.

  4. I either would have never approached a crazy ass group of educators of our children like that, or would have been in the taxi between Hot Teach trying not to puke and face-sucker..... Hmmmm. Fantasy night in UK?

  5. I would have done one of two things at that pub. Either I would have been too scared to approach the crazy group of children educators (most likely), or I would have been riding home in the taxi between Hot Teach trying to not puke and obviously hot face-chewing Teach.....Hmmm - fantasy trip to UK? It depends on how cold the lager was.