Wednesday, 7 September 2011

I spoke far to soon....

For the love of cheese and all things pink... what was I thinking when I purchased a bicycle?!

I spoke far too soon about not falling off my bike.

I kept faithfully to my promises about cycling to work (in fact, I have cycled two days out of three) only to be repaid with, what can only be described as, a comical act of self harm, in public, at a pretty major road junction, during 'drive time' or 'rush hour' (whatever you want to call it). All I know is that there was lots of cars. And my brain did not engage as quickly as I would have liked. My brain certainly wasn't in communication with my feet or hands that's for sure.

It went something like this...

That car is stopping.... I should stop.
No, no, that car is going....I won't stop
Fuck, no, that car is definitely stopping.
I need to stop.
Ok, I don't seem to be stopping.
Why am I not stopping?
I need to use brakes.
Where are my feet???!!!
How are my feet still attached to my pedals?
Yep... I am now falling off my bike.
Brilliant... I look like a complete twat!
Now I have to get up and pretend everything is ok.
OH GOD... that man is getting out of his van.
He's talking to me! Bollocks. Oh, the shame.
Well of course I am fine, this happens ALL the time... I'm a professional don't you know?!
Oh no... he's waiting for me to get up and go.
I can't.
Just go you stupid man.
You are very kind to stop and check that I'm ok, but please, please please just go....
Nope, he is still there.
I need to get on my bike.
Why don't the pedals work?
Oh, come on now... why aren't you bloody working?
Ok, they're working.
Please God, let there be no more cars.
Right. There is cars. Lots of cars.
God didn't hear my plea.
Probably too busy laughing!
I just need to get home.
ERGHHH... my hand is bleeding.
Arggghhhh... I'm bleeding... I'm actually bleeding.

I then cycled into a bin. I have nothing more I want to say about that. I have no excuse and absolutely no idea how it happened. I tried to hide it. I don't want to talk about it.

I like to think I am now a fully paid up member of the cycling community after my epic fail at coming to a halt and sustaining further bike related injuries (in addtition to those I gained on Sunday). I have bruised the bruises on my leg from Sunday. I have given the other leg some brusing and cuts. I have grazed (deeply grazed) my knuckles. I have a small lump appearing on my elbow.

Doesnt look like much, but I'm sure it almost required stitches. 

And NO, it isn't just a little scrape. It bloody hurts!

I am having a bad day and that doesn't even include what happened in school. But that's a whole other story.

I'm going to eat some chocolate now. I deserve it, damn it! I'm injured!


  1. chocolate makes everything better. Next time ride your bike with your eyes open.

  2. argh!! get well soon dear, the injuries seem quite painful.... :( eat more chocolate if that makes you feel better...xx

  3. Miss Teacher you are cracking me up with your posts!! Love reading them!!
    Just saying ;)

  4. Add a bit more swearing and it starts to sound like my own thought process.

  5. I laughed a bit while reading, not so much when i saw the photos. Get well soon. We've all been through that, ok perhaps not everyone, but i've had my fair share of that.

  6. Hopefully you'll get well soon! At least you got a cool story to go along with the bruises!

  7. I hope your day got better. There's nothing worse than having an embarrassing moment in front of everyone when all you want to do is cry or hide.

    Have to admit, the internal monologue of yours sounds a lot like what goes on in my head.

    Feel better and have a big block of chocolate.

  8. @Toast Man... Hey! I kept my eyes open! Cheeky!

    @Chintan... chocolate IS the answer to basically everything.

    @DWei... There was more swearing. Believe me!

    @SoccerPicks... Laugh all you want. I did! Ridiculous!

    @Dalf... Thanks for the visit. You should see my bruises now. So classy!

    @Jay Jay... Rest of the day was fine. No further accidents happened. And I ate LOADS of chocolate.